|Photo Cred: http://maozblog.com/israel/living-in-israel-blog-why-you-need-to-make-new-friends/#.U4T7WV5bTwI|
Okay so I tried to do something different this week; by different I mean three attempts at recording a video. But sadly that was not to happen. This week I want to talk about relationships, not so much romantic relationships or the livery dove kind but everyday relationships. Mainly friendships.
I bring up this topic because recently I feel like I've been struggling with my standing in a particular relationship. I have been trying to find my footing, so to speak, with a specific person in my life. And maybe this makes me a bitch for ranting anonymously but really all I'm looking for is an outlet, a safe zone where I can get what I'm feeling off my chest and express myself. This is a big reason as to why I will not name names, I will not ambiguously hint at the person to which I'm speaking about. I will be speaking mostly in generalities and what I've been feeling as of late.
And really what I've been feeling is like I've been demoted to second string, I'm the back up friend to someone that still claims that we're more than that. Honestly I don't mind being a second string friend, I have them, we all have them. Being in that position is not really the issue what bothers me is when I'm told that I mean more to you; but your words and your actions are so inconsistent that it hurts a bit. I don't like being told we're close and yet I seem to be a dirty little secret.
Now I've got quality friends in my life that I would bend over backwards for! I've got friends that I would do anything for! I guess that's part of growing up, I'm not interested in having 20-30 friends that only know bits and pieces about me. I'm interested in those 3-4 people that I can go to when I need someone to just sit with me and watch bad TV with, have a drink after a crappy day. I'm interested in those people that are honest with me, that will tell me to my face they have other plans with people and that's why we can't hang out. While good close friends are like family to me I respect that they have their own lives.
And sometimes I like to blame that fact that I'm a Scorpio on this, because there's no in-between with me. I run either hot or cold, I can be your best friend or your worst enemy; I don't really have that lukewarm personality! To fellow Scorpios out there you know what I'm talking about, you know what it's like to exist only at either end of the spectrum and not in middle.
So I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's honesty I really value above all else, don't try to fool either of us and claim that I am more to you when I'm not. Because I don't mind being second string, I will still remain your friend and maybe we will be better for it. But right now I can't deal with where we are, it stings and I wish it didn't.