Sunday, May 31, 2015

This is my catharsis ...

This is my catharsis. This is my release. My release of everything in the past and everything to come in the future. I used to say that things have changed and I’m willing to adapt to those changes, to keep some tidbit of what we once had, to adjust to the changes, to hang on.

But I can’t do it anymore, too much had happened. There’s been far too much radio silence and the pretense that you still care about me, that you still care about our past together. I guess this is the kiss off and after all the years, all the laughs and happy memories, after all the tears and all the troubled times this is what it comes down to.

It’s all the things I’m too afraid to say to you, not because you don’t deserve to hear it but because I’m afraid I’ll forgive you. I’ll forgive you again as I have done many times before. I’ll look past your shortcomings as my friend and give you, yet another, chance.  I’ll over look the times you made me feel inferior and made me feel small. I’ll welcome you back with open arms. I know this about myself, which is why I’m too afraid to say this to you in person.

And I don’t hate you; I’m not mad or angry. I’m merely indifferent towards you at this point. I’m angrier with myself if I’m to be honest for letting your behavior slide for so long, for just sweeping it under the rug under the pretense of not letting the little things get to me. Unfortunately it’s the little things that have finally built themselves up into one giant thing.

My relationships are like a roster, constantly fluctuating and changing from year to year, day to day and week to week. There’s now an open spot on my roster but filling it, that’s not the problem. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned in the past few months that for every person that makes me feel inferior there’s another person out there to make me feel great.

The friends that I have made in the last handful of years their friendship means more to me than the decade we had together. I’ve got people in my life that will text me just to check in, people that want to hang out just because and value me and what I have to offer them. I don’t feel second best to them and I trust them, I know I can trust them.

This is my catharsis. This is my release. This is my indifference. This is my goodbye.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Orphan Black

Source: Orphan Black

Dear Orphan Black,

This is after I've had a full night to sleep on episode 6 of season 3 and I'm still in shock! I went from laughing my butt off with Team Hendrix to completely re-evaluating my ability to judge character!

And here I thought I would have to be worried that Pupok would be the biggest assault to my emotions last night! Although Helena is a survivor and we all know that, she does whatever she needs to keep going and keep moving. I was incredibly upset with her for leaving Sarah behind in that hellhole! 

Not that I was all for Helena being in that hell hole, but I understood why Mrs. S made the choice that she did in giving over Helena. Unlike the rest of the clones Helena had a rough childhood, rough background and she knows how to survive under any circumstances. Even under torture and experimentation she doesn't go cry in the corner and cower in fear. Helena is calculating; she was planning an escape from the get go and we know she would have escaped with or without anyone else's help. Sarah's arrival in the cell next to hers just expedited the escape process.

But Sarah, Sarah may be a grifter and a con artist, but she's not built from the same tough stuff as Helena is. Twins or not Sarah's life was a dream in comparison to Helena's! 

And Sarah did say it best, Helena is institutionalized, she will always and forever have trust issues so it's not really a surprise that she left Sarah behind. I just wish she had as much faith in her Sestra that she wants to because if she did she never would've left Sarah behind.

But all that being said and all us Clone Clubbers know what Helena has done in the past I always trusted her character! She's one of the clones. She's one of the Sestras! She came back for Sarah and they'll survive, they'll make it.

Now let's talk Paul! I was ALWAYS on the fence as to whether or not I should trust Paul Dierdan! Always leaning more towards my distrust of him! He did too many shady things in regards to the clones for me to put my full faith in him; I mean he's no Felix Dawkins. But turns out he was one of the good guys and he only had to DIE for me to finally learn that!

I mean really just as he redeems himself in my eyes he dies! Granted he died, presumably, protecting the clones from Castor and Virginia Coady but he's still dead! That's one less protector the clones have from Castor, DYAD, Top Side or whoever else is out there "hunting" them. 

They've got Helena back on their side but really they can use all the help they can get. This is war and war has casualties. No one ever said this was going to be easy kiddo. 

Good luck Clone Club, the rest of the season is going to be quite a ride I'm sure!


Clone Clubber Katie

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Class of 2015!


Yesterday my brother Tom graduated from Mount Saint Mary College!!

We are so unbelievably proud of him!  

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Dear Mom ...

Dear Mom,
You never really know strength until you see it in someone you love.

I could say that I’ve seen your strength in these last few months, but I’d be lying. I’ve known your strength, your stability, and your tenacity since the day I was born.

I’ve seen life throw you curveballs; but instead of letting them strike you out you hit them out of the park.

My life would not be the same without you in it. Everyday, especially now, I am truly thankful to have you in my life.

Thank you for being my ever present cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on, my Say Yes to the Dress Sunday morning buddy, and so, so much more. Even though I may not say it often enough you, dear mumsie, are one person I know I can always count on.

I know you like to say I taught you how to be a mother. Basically that you worked out all the kinks with me, well here we are 25 years later and I think you and I are still learning together. It’s so much fun to think that we’re on this ride together. I’m learning how to be an adult and you’re learning how to be a mother to a grown woman.

Once again thank you for all that you’ve done and everything that is to come in the future!

You’re an amazing woman! I love you so, so much!



Sunday, May 3, 2015

I am a Tri Delta woman!

I am a Tri Delta woman!

I am a Pansy.

I am an alumna.

I am a writer.

It has been five years since I signed my official bid to Delta Delta Delta, five years since I have been initiated into an organization that made my college career.

Three years since I became a Pansy and entered into the world of Tri Delta Alumnae women. Today I welcomed more sisters to alumnae status; sisters whom I have watched grow and develop.

Sarah, I was there when you were initiated and am proud to call you my sister! You’ve grown from a pearl to a pine and finally you are now a pansy! Congratulations, welcome to the brighter side of things!

Rebecca, although we have not known each other that long I am glad to have you in my life! I am so incredibly pleased to be able to call you part of my delta family! Your friendship is one I am truly thankful for! I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you!

To all the other seniors who have transitioned from Pine to Pansy, Congratulations Sisters! This is a major accomplishment for you and I was glad to be a part of your Circle Degree!