This is my
catharsis. This is my release. My release of everything in the past and
everything to come in the future. I used to say that things have changed and
I’m willing to adapt to those changes, to keep some tidbit of what we once had,
to adjust to the changes, to hang on.
But I can’t do it
anymore, too much had happened. There’s been far too much radio silence and the
pretense that you still care about me, that you still care about our past
together. I guess this is the kiss off and after all the years, all the laughs
and happy memories, after all the tears and all the troubled times this is what
it comes down to.
It’s all the things
I’m too afraid to say to you, not because you don’t deserve to hear it but
because I’m afraid I’ll forgive you. I’ll forgive you again as I have done many
times before. I’ll look past your shortcomings as my friend and give you, yet
another, chance. I’ll over look the
times you made me feel inferior and made me feel small. I’ll welcome you back
with open arms. I know this about myself, which is why I’m too afraid to say
this to you in person.
And I don’t hate
you; I’m not mad or angry. I’m merely indifferent towards you at this point.
I’m angrier with myself if I’m to be honest for letting your behavior slide for
so long, for just sweeping it under the rug under the pretense of not letting
the little things get to me. Unfortunately it’s the little things that have
finally built themselves up into one giant thing.
My relationships
are like a roster, constantly fluctuating and changing from year to year, day
to day and week to week. There’s now an open spot on my roster but filling it,
that’s not the problem. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned in the past
few months that for every person that makes me feel inferior there’s another
person out there to make me feel great.
The friends that I
have made in the last handful of years their friendship means more to me than
the decade we had together. I’ve got people in my life that will text me just
to check in, people that want to hang out just because and value me and what I
have to offer them. I don’t feel second best to them and I trust them, I know I
can trust them.
This is my catharsis.
This is my release. This is my indifference. This is my goodbye.
